


dear dollophead

by bravenclawesome



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Epistolary, Feels, Grief/Mourning, Immortal Merlin, Letters, M/M, Podfic, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Available, Podfic Length: 0-10 Minutes, Post-Finale, Sad, Waiting for Arthur Pendragon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 12:22:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4521795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bravenclawesome/pseuds/bravenclawesome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Merlin writes letters as he waits for Arthur's return.</p><p>
  <i>dear dollophead,<br/>Sometimes, I don't write you for days.<br/>Weeks. Months. Years.<br/>It's not because I forget<br/>but there are times I wish I could.<br/>It would be less painful that way.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	dear dollophead

**Author's Note:**

> [deardollophead](http://deardollophead.tumblr.com/)'s letters have been a huge gift (and curse) to the fandom for ages. The heartfelt letters from immortal sorcerer to his beloved king never fail to make me cry, no matter how many times I read them. It is for this reason that I decided to record an audio version of these letters, accompanied by music.

| 

cover art by bravenclawesome

**Duration:** 00:10:55

**Size:** 10.7 MB

text version [here](http://deardollophead.tumblr.com/tagged/dear-dollophead)

Direct download/streaming at [Mediafire](http://www.mediafire.com/download/0u2v78tu5o9c8ss/dear+dollophead.mp3) and [YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfC7i9LoBmk).

with visuals: [on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdKBcj6ex78&feature=youtu.be)  
  
---|---  
  
dear dollophead,  
how's avalon?  
no one's tried to sacrifice you for their immortality again, have they?  
...Sorry. It's a long story.  
I seem to have a lot of them.  
Too bad you'll never get to hear them all.

_**music:** Hunith's Letter to Gaius_

dear dollophead,  
Actually, there really was a girl.  
Once.  
If you see her, tell her I said hello.

_**music:** Freya_

dear dollophead,  
Sometimes I wish there was a way to get these letters to you.  
The only problem is,  
I don't think the Sidhe make the best messengers.  
Would you even write me back?

_**music:** Merlin Lost_

dear dollophead,  
Gwen paid homage at the lake today.  
But I couldn't bring myself to face her.  
Because how can "I'm sorry" ever be enough?  
Though I still whisper it to the water surface every day, hoping you can hear me.

_**music:** Farewell to Gwen_

dear dollophead,  
"No man is worth your tears."  
You told me that, once.  
And it's true,  
because you were worth so much more.

_**music:** The Darkest Hour_

dear dollophead,  
"I'm happy to be your servant.  
Till the day I die."  
I meant it then.  
And I mean it now, too.  
But sometimes that day seems so far away.

_**music:** Arthur Asked to Lead_

dear dollophead,  
In the end,  
you asked me to hold you.  
As if I could ever let you go.  
I'm still holding on, Arthur. Always.

_**music:** The Bond of Sacrifice_

dear dollophead,  
"There can be no place  
for magic in Camelot."  
At least, not any more.  
So I never went back.  
Not when there's no Camelot without you.

_**music:** The Burdens of Duty_

dear dollophead,  
Everything in this world has changed so much  
since you've been gone.  
Everything  
except for me.  
Because that's what you would have wanted.  
I'm not going to change now.

_**music:** The Bond of Sacrifice_

dear dollophead,  
One of the many (many, many, many) things I never  
had the chance to tell you  
was about my father.  
Please do not think differently of me because  
of the man he was,  
just like I don't think differently of you  
because of who was yours.  
Remember that we're not our fathers, Arthur. And we never will be.

_**music:** Uther and Morgana Reunited_

dear dollophead,  
I found out what happened to Gwaine.  
He was trying to stop Morgana from finding you.  
In the end I guess he found a king  
worth dying for.

_**music:** Knights of the Round Table_

dear dollophead,  
There was a time where I thought that  
I'd never have a friend who could be such an ass.  
That was my mistake.  
We've had our fun, my friend.

_**music:** Merlin Lost_

dear dollophead,  
In my darkest hours,  
I would question  
whether Albion was worth the lives I took,  
the lies I told.  
But not you. Never you.  
You've always been worth it.

_**music:** The Darkest Hour_

dear dollophead,  
I've traveled all over since you've been gone.  
To see what sights this world has to offer.  
But in the end,  
I always make my way back to you.  
Just to be there in case you finally wake up.  
I didn't want you to feel you were alone.

_**music:** Merlin Lost_

dear dollophead,  
When I asked you for a day off,  
this isn't exactly what I had in mind.  
You've been much too generous, sire.

_**music:** Merlin's Arrival at Camelot_

dear dollophead,  
Over a thousand years have passed.  
Some days I can't remember Gwen's face.  
Or Gaius's voice.  
But I still remember the way  
the sunlight shone on your hair.

_**music:** Guinevere_

dear dollophead,  
I can never forgive Morgana for betraying you.  
But  
I can't forgive myself either  
for betraying her first.

_**music:** To Morgana_

dear dollophead,  
You know, I shouldn't be surprised  
that you've been asleep for this all this time.  
You were almost impossible to wake up in the mornings.  
Let's have you, lazy daisy. Please.

_**music:** Morgana Close to Death_

dear dollophead,  
Funnily enough,  
I've come to really enjoy poetry.  
I've even read you a couple of my favorites  
while waiting by the lake.  
And I haven't heard you complain once.

_**music:** Freya_

dear dollophead,  
You know, we're supposed to be two sides  
of the same coin.  
That's how I know you'll be back, someday.  
Because I'm still here.  
I will be by your side, like I always am.

_**music:** The Bond of Sacrifice_

dear dollophead,  
Sometimes  
especially when the weather turns cold  
I wish I had kept your cloak for warmth.  
Or maybe it's just that I wish I had something  
to remember you by.  
Though it's not like I'll ever forget.

_**music:** Arthur Asked to Lead_

dear dollophead,  
I once thought it was lonely,  
living like a shadow.  
But at least back then  
I was able to live in your light.

_**music:** The Bond of Sacrifice_

dear dollophead,  
I will always regret hiding the truth  
about the circumstances of your birth.  
Your mother should have never been taken from you.  
Again.  
Especially so soon after getting her back.  
It's true, Arthur. You were born of magic, and as magic itself, I was born to serve you.

_**music:** Ygraine's Theme_

dear dollophead,  
There were so many times where I thought  
I had lost you.  
But now, there are days  
where I still can't believe I actually have.

_**music:** Merlin Lost_

dear dollophead,  
I only hope that the reason you've been gone  
for so long  
is that you've finally found the peace  
that we fought so hard for.  
In Sibbe Gerest

_**music:** The Bond of Sacrifice_

dear dollophead,  
Sometimes, I don't write you for days.  
Weeks. Months. Years.  
It's not because I forget  
but there are times I wish I could.  
It would be less painful that way.

_**music:** Hunith's Letter to Gaius_


End file.
